Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Things Upon Which I Will Waste My Future Money

In roughly ten months, barring disaster, I will embark upon a year of articling, and begin making real money for the first time. Not as much as people that stopped going to school several years ago, of course, but nonetheless a huge step up from the tube-slide watching and shoe polishing of my past.

As that glorious time slowly approaches, I frequently find myself thinking about my first paychecks. Food and shelter will theoretically occupy a privileged position in my hierarchy of needs, but they are unexciting. Here's where the rest of the money will go, Maslow be damned:
  • Playstation 3 -- 'cause I may now finally be old and responsible enough to have my very own game platform without sacrificing my future, despite all evidence to the contrary
  • a vehicle that doesn't bounce around like a dune-buggy on even the flattest of surfaces -- probably one of these, one of these, or one of these
  • a TV so big it'll make my eyes bleed -- 'cause what's the point of the Playstation 3 if I have nothing with which to match its majesty?
  • this sweet shotgun, or one like it
  • suits -- whatever GQ tells me, for the first little while at least
  • new skates -- I have a sneaking suspicion that if I had just had some decent skates, instead of constant used ones, I could right now be retired from the NHL after blowing out my knee as a rookie
  • new ski boots -- same principle, but retired from winning Olympic gold medals instead of Stanley Cups
  • Batcave -- 'cause (1) I'll need a place to unwind after a long day on my feet chasing ambulances, (2) an arctic Fortress of Solitude is totally impractical and cold, (3) my suits will require a lot of space, and (4) the Batmobiles go in it
  • another external harddrive -- I'm running out of space, is all
  • Europe -- too many people are going there and enjoying it, shut it down; Asia too
  • taxes! -- decades of Liberal governments have created a monstrous welfare state that needs constant feeding (vote Conservative so we can kill it and buy more fun things with the money we'll save!)


Ryan Marr said...


You are in the absolute lowest tax bracket possible! Also you have paid enough tuition to write off that you shouldn't have to pay taxes until 2025!

Anonymous said...

You may have to cut out the playstation - articling only lasts 10 months.