Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Things Upon Which I Will Waste My Future Money

In roughly ten months, barring disaster, I will embark upon a year of articling, and begin making real money for the first time. Not as much as people that stopped going to school several years ago, of course, but nonetheless a huge step up from the tube-slide watching and shoe polishing of my past.

As that glorious time slowly approaches, I frequently find myself thinking about my first paychecks. Food and shelter will theoretically occupy a privileged position in my hierarchy of needs, but they are unexciting. Here's where the rest of the money will go, Maslow be damned:
  • Playstation 3 -- 'cause I may now finally be old and responsible enough to have my very own game platform without sacrificing my future, despite all evidence to the contrary
  • a vehicle that doesn't bounce around like a dune-buggy on even the flattest of surfaces -- probably one of these, one of these, or one of these
  • a TV so big it'll make my eyes bleed -- 'cause what's the point of the Playstation 3 if I have nothing with which to match its majesty?
  • this sweet shotgun, or one like it
  • suits -- whatever GQ tells me, for the first little while at least
  • new skates -- I have a sneaking suspicion that if I had just had some decent skates, instead of constant used ones, I could right now be retired from the NHL after blowing out my knee as a rookie
  • new ski boots -- same principle, but retired from winning Olympic gold medals instead of Stanley Cups
  • Batcave -- 'cause (1) I'll need a place to unwind after a long day on my feet chasing ambulances, (2) an arctic Fortress of Solitude is totally impractical and cold, (3) my suits will require a lot of space, and (4) the Batmobiles go in it
  • another external harddrive -- I'm running out of space, is all
  • Europe -- too many people are going there and enjoying it, shut it down; Asia too
  • taxes! -- decades of Liberal governments have created a monstrous welfare state that needs constant feeding (vote Conservative so we can kill it and buy more fun things with the money we'll save!)